Sexual Containment as a marker for maturity. Why?

A family unit requires the solidity of energetic containment. Children need the felt sense of this containment to develop in.

A man, who cannot stay steady in his sexual clarity in the face of a really seductive woman other than the mother of his children, will unconsciously give his children the felt sense of not being gotten. Of not being contained, held, secure.

While attachment theory focusses on the mothers relationship to the child (understandably as it was men trying to fix issues by projecting them outside of themselves), the underlying physiological truths that shape the practices of sacred sexuality (my traditional Punjabi culture)- indicate that it’s the sexual containment of the parents that gives them both first and by energetic extension their children the felt sense of security.

A man who is easily seduced will create insecure children. A man who has sexual containment and clarity and can hold his own boundaries in the face of the most sexually alluring, addictive woman, will make a real Man, a real father, whose energetic/sexual choices with women, will nonverbally encode the family system with security, even before he creates one.

The home security system only protects the kids from threats outside.

Therefore, the clarity of what love is and how to protect it within himself is the holy work of a man who deeply desires to succeed as a father. When he gets there, he has a realization that what he experiences as instinctual sexual desire and drive since a teenager, which feels oh so natural (boys will be boys) has actually become a habit (because of lack of healthy sex education) of meeting needs of self-regulation (feeling safe) through orgasm (feeling good, feeling successful, feeling empty), reducing a sense of lack within with score cards and fantasies, and emotional reactivity when meeting failure that leads to most of his sexual ‘choices’. Most of these sexual ‘choices’ tend to be sticky, addictive, confusing, destructive and conflict-ridden as the sapiens in question both know on an unconscious, non-cognitive level that the “I want” driving it is really a “I am scared” but don’t understand this enough to rectify it and neither will actually feel the meeting of true sexual desire even if sex is easy and available regularly and orgasms happen each time for one or both partners. There might even be dissatisfaction or a sense of failure right after orgasm.

When he matures enough to experience true love’s clarity, he no longer desires nor succumbs to the seduction of the sexual links created from all those habits. The fulfillment in sexual containment and clarity wipes clean the illusion of novelty and performance. This realisation is extremely liberating for a man. He finally understands what natural sexual fulfillment is and how effortless it is to keep around without conflict. He is now in a deep relationship with his masculinity without shame, guilt, confusion, abuse, avarice, and dissatisfaction. He is a man, a king, a god. He respects his own semen. He respects with what intention he penetrates a woman. He knows his “I want” beyond a sensation of arousal because of sexy outfits, novel makeup or touching; he knows it completely, and he protects it as sacred. Such a man, will make a woman splay open in sexual surrender without any tricks or techniques, substance or deception. The energy signature of such a man is one of trustworthiness. It’s the hottest shit for a real woman. She will want him naturally.

This journey to maturity is the same for a woman who desires to be successful as a mother.