Reader's Question: What is an integrated and authentic sexual expression in a man?
First of all, I want to thank this reader for asking this question. I will answer the following question:
What is an integrated and authentic sexual expression in a Sapien?
Sexuality is the most primal, instinctual drive in us. It is literally the most fundamental expression of our evolutionary design. We are fundamentally designed to propagate our species. Our most evolved design is to do that consciously, with awareness in true love.
Integrated: This means that a lineage’s sexual story is known, understood, and shame-free. In most healthy expressions, celebrated as sacred.
Authentic: This means, where a sapiens sexual expression feels like the most truest embodied choice for them, without any conditioning around social and cultural markers. eg: bisexual, heterosexual, pansexual, body count, threesome, creampie, celebrity shags, queen & king, arranged marriage, one partner is sacred, shame around being sexual as a woman, player etc.
Therefore, for a Sapien, sexual expression that is integrated and authentic would have some or all of the following effects:
Ability to self-regulate and co-regulate effectively without needing sexual completion or engagement.
A sense of relaxed, playful ease around sexual arousal, engaging with it, and feeling satisfied alone and with another. eg: This includes if I am an elder and a young niece arouses me, I can contain it shame-free without needing to express it on her body. It does not need to be hidden, but is understood as natural, and the boundaries are evident. (This learning is a gift from experiencing a healthy and an unhealthy elder in my own life experience)
Accumulation of sexual partners that are on good terms, healthy separation if things ended, without the complexities of money, kids, and conflict tangling up the flow of sexual experiences. i.e., Kids are never used as a weapon to gain anything.
A confidence in managing all aspects related to sexuality in a way that leaves us with self-worth and self-respect - pleasure, parenting, relationships, emotions, conflict, STI/STD’s etc.
A shame and guilt-free playfulness around expressing desire and receiving rejection of its fulfillment. Same for receiving the expression of desire and rejecting it with playfulness.
An ability to be embodied and know when one is not and when one's partner might not be. Cue is - am I running towards a fantasy or the embodied fulfillment that comes from present moment exploration in congruence and clarity of consent and sexual appetite between one or more sapiens. I.e Is it an ‘I want’ OR “I have learnt to want…” eg: I want you (could be the janitor) vs I have learnt to want the most powerful sapien in the room.
Sex is not a power tool. It is not used to gain power over anyone for anything. It is an expression of the most universal and primal marker of our health, and therefore treated as such.
Given that most sexual expression on earth is unintegrated and inauthentic, the above 7 pointers are not at play in most interactions. Within the current reality - the basic ability to differentiate between Attraction and Desire would be a starting point. Attraction can be the unmetabolised hidden energy of a lineage working itself out. Desire is the genuine heat that is always mutual! eg: Finding butts or biceps attractive, finding a spiritual sapien attractive. Desire is an energetic perception of heat inside ourselves in relation to another sapien. Attraction is possible every day you walk out. Desire is rarer.
Only desire fulfills a sapien completely. And it is a wink for a possible mate for co-creation.