Expectation vs Boundary

Expectation: Don’t raise your voice at me.

Boundary: Don’t call me at 10am. I am only available after 6pm.

The first is a learnt way of being expected on someone. The second is the specific action that has warranted a communication of preference, needs and ways of relating.

I was recently having a meal with a friend. They chose to order two bananas and I ordered a chicken burger with potato salad. (I specifically said, “please don’t give me anything green”) Lol.

Anyhoo, while eating this friend kept giving my potatoes the side eye of longing.

And I felt this internal Pressure to offer them a bite. I breathed into it. I don’t want to. A pattern of thinking of why that was not something to listen to commenced and I debated internally all points of view. Eventually, I noticed that I felt more grounded in my truth of not wanting to offer a bite.

So I sat there enjoying my meal and ignoring their longing.

Finally after I was done eating, they asked “can I have a bite of your potato salad” and I said “sure, you can have all of it. I am done eating.”

This felt more congruent an exchange to me in the moment, meaning I felt free to choose into contribution and making an extension of communal eating. Even if the social norm i felt in the moment was either of American culture or their personal expectation held within.

Compassion and contribution is also a choice just like self-centeredness and consumption is a choice.